We established in Part 1 that nothing really matters. Nothing has an absolute meaning such that somebody could tell you that something is more important than anything else. Any such reasoning will end in nothingness because all our existence does not have a discernible meaning – sorry.
However, people do care about things and do things, because they attach meaning to them – if not absolute, so relative to other things. But where does such meaning come from, and are there ‘good places’ to look for it?
Old school
‘Archaic sources’ of meaning in life are those imposed on us with little we can do about them as individuals. We also are told not give them much thought to start with, just follow, which is the meaning already. Examples are absolute monarchies (Hail the King!), patriarchal family structures (Your father knows best what’s good for you!), or metaphysical fairy tales (Jesus will save you [conditionally]!). Those have complex origins going beyond the scope of the current piece.
Archaic sources of meaning come with considerable constraints for the individual, and their justifications quickly lead ad absurdum: you know, you need to behave in a certain way to enter eternal paradise after your own death …. sounds familiar, and silly?
The milestones of modern life
While much work still needs to be done in much of the world, ‘modern societies’, e.g. much of Europe, luckily have overcome the archaic sources for the most part, and instead opted for a model of ‘milestone life’: a conveyor belt guiding you from birth to death on which achievements like a good education, a well-paying job, a happy family, your own home, ideally a respectable position in society, and lots of effort to make the same happen for the next generation are to be accomplished.
Milestone life certainly is an improvement over the archaic version: it provides a grand structure. Milestones can serve as your lighthouses in a chaotic world, while giving you the freedom to choose, definitely within bounds, how you would like to achieve them. However, have you seen or experienced how dull, fake, or impossible those goals can be to achieve? Therefore, you may believe to see meaning, achieve or not achieve the corresponding milestone, and still feel miserable, actually devoid of the meaning you were looking for.
I mean, we have big and deep problems in society and the wider world, and many fellows seem to primarily be concerned with balancing work effort and income (not too much pain please!), and to make it efficiently to the next milestone, but not much else beyond this. Society has perverse powers to propagate its majority views – maybe a stability mechanism.
Nevertheless, I do see how milestone life makes things go round by taking away the burden of having to take big decisions, which some may otherwise struggle with. And many people will genuinely appreciate at least some of the milestones. As a consequence, I propose a mix-and-match approach, which we can use to choose and achieve whatever milestones you set yourself.
In case it is not fully clear at this point, meaning does not exist, but ideally is freely chosen. I understand, this can be a daunting task. So, let’s go step-by-step.
I suggest that seeing meaning comes from feeling gratification because we want to do, achieve, or contribute to something which we think is worthwhile for some reason. What are those reasons?
We take as our starting point the Venn diagram of life for finding a career path: here, the goal is to hit the sweet spot where your interests, abilities, and what others appreciate from you overlap. We take out ability, or capability, in the search for meaning. The reason for this is that, despite being helpul, you don’t need to be good in something to derive gratification from it. Take care if your job is your main source of meaning!
The hedonistic altruist
Removing ability, leaves us with your interests and the needs of others. This means that meaning in the form of achieving a feeling of gratification can be obtained from two sources: (1) hedonism: figure out and do what you are interested in, what stimulates you, and what ultimately gives you pleasure, (2) altruism: help and support others in their needs, or contribute to solving problems – big and small. That is, be a hedonistic altruist!
I know, this can sound weird. On the one hand, some may see hedonism and altruism as opposed to each other. Hedonism is often frowned upon, seen as a synonym for selfishness. People like to allocate meaning to things without negative connotations. I would argue that, as long as your pleasure does not do any harm to others, there is nothing wrong here. Furthermore, if you derive pleasure from learning and developing yourself, others may well benefit from this in the long-run. And we all need some selfcare from time to time.
On the other hand, we would almost certainly and literally be nothing, probably die, without being embedded in society! As such, doing good to others, as a source of meaning, will strengthen society as a whole – a win-win!
The proposal of the hedonistic altruist is purposefully non-prescriptive. I trust that most people will settle somewhere on the spectrum between selfcare and the care of others as their calling. And those callings can be multiple and intertwined. On the one side, being a selfish jerk, the society you rely upon will give you signals. Unless you are completely delusional or psychopathic, you will be able to read those for your own sake. On the other side, and to a lesser degree, only ‘working your ass up for others’, is not sustainable for most.
As such, I believe that the model of the hedonistic altruist will result in a distribution of behaviours which will do both, provide meaning, purpose, and gratification to the individual, and to strengthen the societal fabric at the same time, all while offering freedom of choice to the individual – the win-win again!
Practical remarks
Hedonism does not mean that “no pain, no gain” does not apply. If you want to achieve or experience certain things, you will have to plan and work towards them!
Also, don’t despair if things don’t work out as you want them to despite heavy efforts. Just don’t take yourself too serious in the pursuit of meaning. While talking much about individual freedom here, Part 1 told us that we, as a whole and certainly as individuals, do not stand in the centre of the universe – so, just sit back and relax when you get too rubbed up.
Irrespective of how difficult something is to achieve which gives you pleasure, consume it wisely and in moderation. Food is a very good examples here: having your favourite pizza, while not healthy, may just be enjoyable. It gives you pleasure. However, having to eat five, and the pleasure will certainly stop. You will dread that pizza. The same applies everything else. Moderation is key.
Meaning and gratification can easily be found, I would say, in small and simple things, like being nice to others – surprise, surprise! A heartfelt mutual smile, even between strangers, can brighten the mood quickly.
Be careful with big picture items, like politics. You may derive meaning from pursuing or wanting to realise a certain world. But you may also quickly and unknowingly, or even willingly, infringe on the freedoms of others for no good reasons.
Two comments I got from friends(1) on the search for meaning which I very much agree to are the following. One, while not planned, negative experiences can be helpful to discover what one truly values. Two, being in cohesion with society on what constitutes meaning can be a source of gratification. This links to the societal constructs we encountered in Part 1. As such, going with the flow (if it suits you) may be good enough.
The death bed test
Here is a test to recalibrate your inner compass if you are having an itch telling you that you are not quite doing the right things in life. Do the following thought experiment. It should not hurt, much: Imagine you are fully lucid, and you know you are going to die very soon, a potentially scary thought! However, there is no pain, no fear, just certainty. Now, from the point of view of the imminent end, think back to the point in life you are just now when reading this. From this perspective, imagine the things you currently do, and more importantly don’t do, which would cause you the biggest regrets at the point of no return. Don’t think about past regrets, just look forward. These are likely the things you truly attach meaning to. And here you go, you may have learned something about yourself!
Sharing is caring
Finally, we need to speak more about meaning in life! Somewhat surprising, many, if not most people I talk to, seem not have given questions of purpose much thought. Ahh yes, there is milestone life taking the mental lifting away from you! I do believe that the search for and pursue of meaning in life can solve problems, by creating awareness, mobilising efforts, and, as such, providing solutions.
Among others, we should make discussions of meaning more common place in schools, where people naturally look for guidance and direction. Growing myself up in Catholic Bavaria, the closest I got was mandatory religion classes which could include reading from the Bible. The greatest joy here was being the presumptuous atheist in the room, but not great otherwise for finding meaning. More seriously, loneliness has taken hold in our hyper-connected societies, where young people are often the ones feeling the loneliest despite being the most connected, at least digitally.
Follow your dreams
Let me close by claiming that people should and can (within bounds) follow their dreams. Some may say that this is naïve. And yes, some pursuits will fail. But we have seen how this can benefit each individual and society as a whole. Furthermore, the flow of gratification coming from this pursuit will ultimately be a source of happiness – an elusive good we presumably seek. I cannot imagine more meaning where there is none.
Now listen to this song.
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